100 Reasons MKE Sucks

26 Nov

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Milwaukee girl through and through, born and raised, to the core! However, sometimes this city sucks, and here’s the list onmilwaukee.com came up with! (I’ve highlighted the ones I particularly agree with. Are there any they missed? Any you’re particularly fond of or disagree with?)

  1. Only three domes
  2. Winter weather
  3. Complaining about winter weather
  4. Too many Milwaukeeans affected by poverty
  5. Only second most relaxed city
  6. 9 p.m. booze buying cutoff time
  7. Sinkhole ate my SUV
  8. Housing market crash hampered Downtown housing boom
  9. Edison Street red light district replaced by condos and parking
  10. Seemingly arbitrary parking rules appear designed as back door route to revenue
  11. No Downtown movie theaters
  12. Smoking outside a bar in January
  13. We want our Downer Avenue popcorn wagon back!
  14. Bronze Fonz just stands there; not animatronic
  15. Milwaukee Packers games now a distant memory
  16. Decline of Grand Avenue mall
  17. O’Donnell Park catastrophe
  18. Lack of light rail
  19. One of the most segregated cities
  20. Little Park East development
  21. Aging Hoan Bridge
  22. Only 11 days of Summerfest
  23. Absence of World Series trophies
  24. Failure of the Pabst City entertainment district plan
  25. Slow to embrace new ideas
  26. No city-wide Oktoberfest
  27. One-way streets Downtown
  28. One company owns newspaper, two radio stations and one TV station
  29. Speed limit too low on Lake Parkway
  30. Too few indie bookshops
  31. No more winter equivalent of Summerfest
  32. Two hour drive to IKEA
  33. Water quality of local rivers
  34. Overcoverage of Packers, weather
  35. Potholes
  36. No Guinness at Irish Fest
  37. Freeway on-ramps that quickly become off-ramps
  38. Little county/city cooperation
  39. Inferiority complex to Chicago and other cities
  40. Bernie’s chalet has no beer
  41. No political balance on talk radio
  42. Dustin Diamond among our biggest local celebrities
  43. Too many surface parking lots Downtown
  44. No Major League Soccer franchise
  45. Still not bike friendly enough
  46. Property taxes too high
  47. Too few record shops
  48. City magazines run by or aimed at aged suburbanites
  49. Limited recycling program
  50. No subway, though plenty of Subways (which don’t suck)
  51. Not enough venues for local musicians
  52. No real dim sum experience in town
  53. Homer Simpson sign keeps getting taken down
  54. Lack of snow plowing in alleys
  55. No year-round trolley
  56. Daily paper’s annoying ad drop on our porches
  57. Nasty smells in the Valley, Bay View and Walker’s Point
  58. No longer world’s brewhouse
  59. Too few vegan options
  60. Loss of small theater groups
  61. 100 percent less Pizza Man
  62. Still hooked on Oriental Drugs, but no way to get fix
  63. Too much water in our basements
  64. Sewage releases into the lake
  65. Budget cuts affecting Milwaukee County Parks
  66. Polaris has stopped spinning on a regular basis
  67. Can’t hail a cab
  68. Prospect Mall is an eyesore
  69. No Chinatown and, therefore, no Chinese New Year parade
  70. Milwaukeeans overly thrifty
  71. Lack of multi-lingual signage for international tourists
  72. Can’t shake old stereotypes of Milwaukee
  73. Seagull poop
  74. Zoo closes too early
  75. High drop-out rate among students
  76. Observation deck closed at US Bank building
  77. Only a few neighborhoods offer retail and dining amenities
  78. Too many failed city marketing slogans
  79. “Urban renewal” erased much of the old Third Ward; new development was slow to come
  80. Most old movie palaces razed or shuttered
  81. Have you seen the city flag?!
  82. Inability to navigate roundabouts
  83. Airport not especially international
  84. Too close to keep Cubs fans away, but also too close to get them to stay overnight and pump money into our economy
  85. Only one local band signed to Sub Pop
  86. Riverwest currency not legal tender in Halyard Park, Harambee
  87. Walker’s Point rebranded by realtors as Fifth Ward
  88. 30 mph speed limit on Lincoln Memorial Drive
  89. Not enough Downtown gas stations
  90. Smell of dead alewives on the beach
  91. Replacing all-caps street signs is an expensive pain in the butt
  92. No Downtown stadium
  93. Limited library hours
  94. Local a.m. TV shows lack verve
  95. Too many uncontrolled intersections
  96. Great bands often sound bad at some local venues
  97. Still sad about the closing of the natatoriums
  98. Where’s our Chinese mall, dammit?
  99. Too many creepy Dick Bacon clones at Bradford Beach
  100. Still devastated by Al Jarreau’s decision to move away
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One Response to “100 Reasons MKE Sucks”

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  1. My 150th Post « The Mango Tree - December 3, 2010

    […] 4) 100 Reasons MKE Sucks […]

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